Many people confuse attachment for love. It is human nature to easily get attached to another, therefore making it important to distinguish whether your relationships, either romantic or platonic, are driving from attachment rather than love.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself:

• Do you prefer giving or receiving? Attachment is focused on ways another can make you happy, real love on the other hand is completely selfless. If you’re finding yourself hungry for your lovers praise, attention and support without a desire to meaningfully reciprocate, you are attached. Attachment is egocentric and self-centered; love is altruistic.

• What about your partner are you attracted to? If your attraction to another person is primarily at the physical level, you’re most likely feeling attached. While it is important and healthy to be physically attracted to your partner, it doesn’t constitute everything in a relationship. Seeking arm candy/a trophy spouse? Not interested in digging deeper and getting to know one’s soul? Attachment is based on external attraction; real love values a deeper connection.

• Can you be yourself? Real love is freeing and does not judge, it loves you for who you are while attachment is possessive and dictates the rules. True love starts with yourself. When you have your own life plan and goals, regardless of your partner, your relationship will empower and amplify your life. When you are attached, you wait for this person to fulfill your happiness.

This applies to much more than just romantic relationships. I encourage you to take a deeper look into your life and to evaluate if you are living based on attachment versus love. Shift your mindset to operate on pure love rather than lust and attachment and watch how much more alive and fulfilled you will feel.

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” – Brene Brown

Do you find yourself saying yes when you really mean no? Do you have boundaries and do you stick to them? Knowing what yours are could make all the difference to your dating life. Boundaries in dating and relationships is a game-changer when it comes to success in love.
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Boundaries help you figure out what you want, need and expect from a relationship. It’s about having an inner knowledge of your values and shows that you respect yourself – a trait that’s incredibly attractive to prospective partners too. You’ll attract people who also have boundaries in place and are aligned with what you’re looking for. ⁣
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If you go into dating or a relationship boundary-blind, not knowing what you want, how you want to be treated, and what you will and won’t tolerate, it makes you far more vulnerable. Boundaries are also important because they help you to spot signs that something or someone isn’t quite right early on. When you’re being compromised you can recognize it, address it through communication, and move on if you need to. If you don’t implement boundaries you might find that people take advantage, they don’t respect or value you, or they behave in ways that conflict with what you believe is right. ⁣
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Be clear about what your boundaries are. It can help to think back to past relationships and work out where it felt your needs felt overlooked, where you failed to communicate them, or when you were unhappy about something. Were there issues that you overlooked because you didn’t want to cause a fuss or felt too afraid that the other person might see you as high maintenance by expressing them? By implementing boundaries you’ll feel able to choose partners more appropriately and not take things personally if things don’t work out. They build self-respect, resilience and makes dating much more enriching and enjoyable.

Falling in love is easy. Staying in love? That’s the hard part. Do you ever find yourself longing for the butterflies and excitement of the early days of your relationship? It’s no secret the marriage and long-term relationships are hard. It takes work, every single day.

We can hold a lot of power when it comes to relationships if we think of love as a verb as opposed to a state of being. Studies show that real love can last a lifetime, but that depends on how we behave in our relationships. Social Psychologist Erich Fromm wisely said that love isn’t a feeling, but a practice.

Ideas that might help you stay in love:

♥ Don’t become complacent in your relationship. Never stop romancing your partner. Make time for one another. Don’t stop the chasing and flirting.

♥ Learn how to speak your partners love language to help keep doing the things that make them feel loved the most.

♥ Attentively listen to and value them. Aim to understand your partner rather than judging and holding grudges.

♥ Protect your relationship from external threats. Don’t air dirty laundry.

♥ Build a ‘culture of appreciation’ – regularly express appreciation, gratitude, affection, and respect for your partner.

♥ Don’t try to one-up each other. There’s no tit for tat in a relationship. Rather, communicate when you feel hurt and work on repairing the conflict rather than holding it in and harboring resentment.