Many people confuse attachment for love. It is human nature to easily get attached to another, therefore making it important to distinguish whether your relationships, either romantic or platonic, are driving from attachment rather than love.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself:

• Do you prefer giving or receiving? Attachment is focused on ways another can make you happy, real love on the other hand is completely selfless. If you’re finding yourself hungry for your lovers praise, attention and support without a desire to meaningfully reciprocate, you are attached. Attachment is egocentric and self-centered; love is altruistic.

• What about your partner are you attracted to? If your attraction to another person is primarily at the physical level, you’re most likely feeling attached. While it is important and healthy to be physically attracted to your partner, it doesn’t constitute everything in a relationship. Seeking arm candy/a trophy spouse? Not interested in digging deeper and getting to know one’s soul? Attachment is based on external attraction; real love values a deeper connection.

• Can you be yourself? Real love is freeing and does not judge, it loves you for who you are while attachment is possessive and dictates the rules. True love starts with yourself. When you have your own life plan and goals, regardless of your partner, your relationship will empower and amplify your life. When you are attached, you wait for this person to fulfill your happiness.

This applies to much more than just romantic relationships. I encourage you to take a deeper look into your life and to evaluate if you are living based on attachment versus love. Shift your mindset to operate on pure love rather than lust and attachment and watch how much more alive and fulfilled you will feel.

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” – Brene Brown

Lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect. Empathy without boundaries is self-destruction. You can be a good person with a kind heart and still say no. Clear and healthy boundaries are critical to living your vision and creating a fulfilling life. Personal boundaries are designed to protect and honor important parts of our lives. They are created to clarify what are acceptable and unacceptable behaviors from others.

Just as we have property we protect with physical boundaries, there are several key areas of our lives that should be protected by personal boundaries: your time, emotions, energy and personal values.

• Time: Time is an important and valuable asset. We often feel we never have enough time to focus on what’s really important in our lives, yet time is often what we least protect though effective boundaries.
• Emotions: Your emotions are where your love and caring come from, this should be well protected. Often, people in our lives may say or do hurtful things (often unintentionally) that can damage our emotions and hearts.
• Energy: Your energy is the wellspring from which you function. This energy can come from many sources; your “alone time”, your inner peace, activities that invigorate you, etc. When others do or say things that rob you of this energy (such as invade your privacy, make unreasonable demands, or create chaos), you are less likely to function effectively.
• Personal Values: Anything in your life that is important to you such as your personal values, needs, family, etc., can be areas that benefit from effective boundaries.

Creating healthy boundaries is empowering. By recognizing the need to set and enforce limits, you protect your self-esteem, maintain self-respect, and enjoy healthy relationships. Unhealthy boundaries cause emotional pain that can lead to dependency, depression and anxiety. Setting boundaries is important to practice self-care and self-respect, to communicate your needs in a relationship, to make time and space for positive interactions, and to set limits in a relationship in a healthy way.

When setting boundaries, do it clearly, firmly, and respectfully. Remember that you are not responsible for the other person’s reaction to the boundary you are setting. You are only responsible for communicating your boundary respectfully. If it upset them, it doesn’t meant you shouldn’t have set the boundary.

Falling in love is easy. Staying in love? That’s the hard part. Do you ever find yourself longing for the butterflies and excitement of the early days of your relationship? It’s no secret the marriage and long-term relationships are hard. It takes work, every single day.

We can hold a lot of power when it comes to relationships if we think of love as a verb as opposed to a state of being. Studies show that real love can last a lifetime, but that depends on how we behave in our relationships. Social Psychologist Erich Fromm wisely said that love isn’t a feeling, but a practice.

Ideas that might help you stay in love:

♥ Don’t become complacent in your relationship. Never stop romancing your partner. Make time for one another. Don’t stop the chasing and flirting.

♥ Learn how to speak your partners love language to help keep doing the things that make them feel loved the most.

♥ Attentively listen to and value them. Aim to understand your partner rather than judging and holding grudges.

♥ Protect your relationship from external threats. Don’t air dirty laundry.

♥ Build a ‘culture of appreciation’ – regularly express appreciation, gratitude, affection, and respect for your partner.

♥ Don’t try to one-up each other. There’s no tit for tat in a relationship. Rather, communicate when you feel hurt and work on repairing the conflict rather than holding it in and harboring resentment.